You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
