I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
