i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
A+ Viking dick
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
