dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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