There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The air was thick with penises
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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