I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
