theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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