woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
All I want is dick and wine.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
