...so i touched it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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