i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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