apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
