i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Fuck appropriateness.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
