Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
