I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
