what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
