Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
