he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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