i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
