I need help removing her.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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