no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
