Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
