whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
