First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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