I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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