Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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