he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
