I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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