are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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