Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
