thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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