i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
