It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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