Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
