Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need water and some morals
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
