called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
