i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
