JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
