a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
