Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
