its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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