you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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