hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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