Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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