i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
