You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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