i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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