the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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