dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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