My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
