dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
