im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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