So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
