I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
